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Near Death in My Underwear

There aren’t a lot of people that can say they have been electrocuted and lived to tell about it. I am one of those people. Now, I don’t want to set myself up as a miracle case. I have a great friend, Bob, who was electrocuted bad. He lost his right arm, two fingers on his left arm, his left knee was blown out, and much more. He really almost died. It was bad. But, I was slightly electrocuted once.

When I was a teenager, my dad was the pastor of the Blooming Grove Baptist Church in Curry, Alabama. Curry is a small place. It isn’t even an incorporated town. It is more like a community. Great place to grow up, right on the lake. Oh, I miss the lake. Anyway, my electrocution is the topic, not my growing up years. In the early years of my youth, we lived behind the church. I hated that; that is another story too.

One night I was up real late. That is a real shocker, huh? I looked out the window of my bedroom and saw something that I had been noticing for a while, but never did anything about it. I noticed that someone working on the flowers by the sign had bumped the lights that illuminate the church sign by the road, probably, and they were not pointing so that you could read the sign. I had been seeing for a couple of weeks. I just never did anything about it. I always forgot about it during the day because I could see the sign. Plus, I would only be guessing about where to point the lights in the daytime. Well, I just happened to see it that this particular night around 1:30am. I thought, “I am going to fix this.”

Here is the good part. Back then, I wore whitie tighties. I know, it’s really sad. But, it is the truth. It was 1:30am in the moring. It was only about 100 yards away from my house. So, I logically concluded that I could easily walk to the sign, adjust the lights so that they actually made the sign visible, and return unharmed to my house. With this in mind, I deduced that going out in my underwear would be harmless. That is what I did.

I walked out my front door into the yard. It never dawned on me that the fresh dew that had fallen on the grass would pose a problem for me. I pressed on. I got out to the front of the church. I surveyed the situation. I looked at the sign. I made my approach. It is important to note that the sign was built on a sloping hill toward the road. I was about 10 yards from the road. Remember, I have only my whitie tighties on, sorry for the image. I reached down and grabbed the floodlight to twist it around. When I did, electricity shot throughout my body. The picture is a half naked teenaged boy holding onto a floodlight unable to move. I was standing on this sloping hill. The floodlight was about waste high because of that. Because it was 110 volts, I was unable to pull my hand back. This voltage will not let go of you. It holds you to it. Here I was being electrocuted and unable to do anything about. I am certain that the dew was assisting the electrical current. Since I was standing on uneven ground, I was off balance. I slowly fell toward the road. I had to be stuck to the light for at least fifteen seconds or more. It seemed longer than that. Finally, I fell onto my back and broke the connection.

Now, here I was lying flat of my back right by the road in my underwear. I was probably smoking. I don’t remember if anyone saw me. If they did, they probably just thought that the preacher’s kid was drunk, lying naked in front of the church. Somehow, I laid there in amazement and shock, literally. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t died. I really didn’t want to meet Jesus in my whitie tighties. I couldn’t move for a while. I was exhausted. I finally gathered my strength. I got up and walked to the house.

I am much more careful these days about grabbing things that are hooked up to electricity. I also don’t care as much if signs aren’t lit up.

I love you, your servant, your friend,
Tim

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