Giving a real picture of your heart is so difficult. You, like me, want so badly to be accepted and loved. Yet, there are times that none of us are lovable. All of us are deeply human. To the core, we are unable to be what we want to be. God has made a way for people like us. He has loved us well.
Some days are better than others. Some days I can just push on and feel great. Then, there are days like today. Today my mind is heavy; my heart is burdened. I don’t want to make the simplest of decisions. Today, I am the Tim Brown that recognizes his inability and frailty.
I tell a lot of funny stories, at least some think that they are funny. I guess it looks like I bounce back real fast. Truth is, I have bad days. I want to jump ahead to good times. I want to be back on top. But, I am enduring much difficulty.
You ever experience something that you wish was a dream? When you wake up the next morning you realize that it is real. Then, you find yourself overwhelmed. You discover that you have to deal with life the way that it is. I feel that way sometimes lately. Every morning that I get up, I relive the nightmare that I am enduring.
I was having dinner with the Shults family last Monday. I was telling them how the mornings can be very tough. It has been consistent. Ron said to me, “I am going to pray for you.” I have not told him yet. But, Tuesday morning was much better. Just knowing he was going to pray for me made my morning better the next day. Whether he prayed the next morning or not, he voiced his prayer on Monday night. God heard him. God answered his heart’s request for me.
I don’t know what God has prepared for me. I don’t see much beyond tomorrow. I do know this: I sure do love Him. He is taking such good care of me. I feel like his sheep. I am just wandering around at His feet. He feeds me. He clothes me. He takes me over to the water. He lets me rest there. He keeps me at the water as long as I need to be there. When He stands up to move on, I just fall in line behind Him. We go over some smooth ground sometimes. Other times we climb a bit. We have some close calls too. Some days a wild angry animal will approach. I get a little anxious or even scared. I am reminded that my enemy wants to destroy me. This is when I jump up on my Shepherd’s back. He beats the crap out of the lion with His staff. We move on. I am told to do things that I don’t want to do on occasion. I look up at my Good Shepherd with a puzzled look. He just looks back with an expression of calm assurance. All of a sudden I realize that He would never ask anything of me for which He hadn’t trained and prepared me. So, I do as He says. Believe it or not, I have actually strayed away from Him. He will actually come after me when I do this no matter how far I have strayed. I know I tell this like I am His only sheep. But, there are tons more. He will actually leave all of them just to come to rescue me. He brings me back on His shoulders. I never hear Him say anything but, “I love you.” It’s like I know I am wrong by His presence. But, he doesn’t hold it over me. As a matter of fact, He has rescued me from some stupid things before. His response is always the same. He will often use His staff to bring me back in line. He’ll see me moving out of line. He’ll just gently reach over and pull me back in. I have been injured from my falls before. The best place to go when I am hurt is to Him. Here is what I do. I just shamefully walk toward Him. I always feel like He is going to be mad. He never is. I slowly look up into His eyes. He smiles really big. My heart melts. I climb up into His lap. I don’t even have to say anything. It’s like He already knows I’m sorry. He wraps me up in His arms. My cares vanish in His embrace.
I sure do love this Shepherd. Just today, He told me that He loves me. Just today, He wrapped me up in His arms. Sometimes we just sit together on the hillside. Life really slows down when I am with Him. I love to sit with Him. He always gives me exactly what I need. I used to think that I didn’t need Him. How crazy was that? Why would I want to be self-sufficient when there is someone like my Shepherd who says that He will take care of me? He reminded me just today that He’s not going anywhere. He is going to always be with me. I told Him that I didn’t know if I was capable of making the same commitment to Him. He said, “I am going to help you. I am very patient to teach you.” Once again, I breathed deep with relief.
I began to wonder, “What am I doing to benefit this relationship that I have with my Shepherd.” He heard me thinking. He said, “I simply enjoy watching you grow.” I said, “But, I mess up all the time and take so much from You. You constantly have to help me or rescue me or give me things. You get my butt out of a sling all the time.” He said, “I enjoy it. It is my pleasure.” The craziest thing I think I ever heard Him say was, “You actually bring honor, pride, and glory to me. That fills me up with joy for you.” I still don’t understand that one. But, He has never lied to me or misled me. So, I take Him at His word.
Just telling you what my Shepherd does for me makes me feel great. I love to brag on Him. I think He likes it too.
I love you, your servant, your friend,
Tim
Some days are better than others. Some days I can just push on and feel great. Then, there are days like today. Today my mind is heavy; my heart is burdened. I don’t want to make the simplest of decisions. Today, I am the Tim Brown that recognizes his inability and frailty.
I tell a lot of funny stories, at least some think that they are funny. I guess it looks like I bounce back real fast. Truth is, I have bad days. I want to jump ahead to good times. I want to be back on top. But, I am enduring much difficulty.
You ever experience something that you wish was a dream? When you wake up the next morning you realize that it is real. Then, you find yourself overwhelmed. You discover that you have to deal with life the way that it is. I feel that way sometimes lately. Every morning that I get up, I relive the nightmare that I am enduring.
I was having dinner with the Shults family last Monday. I was telling them how the mornings can be very tough. It has been consistent. Ron said to me, “I am going to pray for you.” I have not told him yet. But, Tuesday morning was much better. Just knowing he was going to pray for me made my morning better the next day. Whether he prayed the next morning or not, he voiced his prayer on Monday night. God heard him. God answered his heart’s request for me.
I don’t know what God has prepared for me. I don’t see much beyond tomorrow. I do know this: I sure do love Him. He is taking such good care of me. I feel like his sheep. I am just wandering around at His feet. He feeds me. He clothes me. He takes me over to the water. He lets me rest there. He keeps me at the water as long as I need to be there. When He stands up to move on, I just fall in line behind Him. We go over some smooth ground sometimes. Other times we climb a bit. We have some close calls too. Some days a wild angry animal will approach. I get a little anxious or even scared. I am reminded that my enemy wants to destroy me. This is when I jump up on my Shepherd’s back. He beats the crap out of the lion with His staff. We move on. I am told to do things that I don’t want to do on occasion. I look up at my Good Shepherd with a puzzled look. He just looks back with an expression of calm assurance. All of a sudden I realize that He would never ask anything of me for which He hadn’t trained and prepared me. So, I do as He says. Believe it or not, I have actually strayed away from Him. He will actually come after me when I do this no matter how far I have strayed. I know I tell this like I am His only sheep. But, there are tons more. He will actually leave all of them just to come to rescue me. He brings me back on His shoulders. I never hear Him say anything but, “I love you.” It’s like I know I am wrong by His presence. But, he doesn’t hold it over me. As a matter of fact, He has rescued me from some stupid things before. His response is always the same. He will often use His staff to bring me back in line. He’ll see me moving out of line. He’ll just gently reach over and pull me back in. I have been injured from my falls before. The best place to go when I am hurt is to Him. Here is what I do. I just shamefully walk toward Him. I always feel like He is going to be mad. He never is. I slowly look up into His eyes. He smiles really big. My heart melts. I climb up into His lap. I don’t even have to say anything. It’s like He already knows I’m sorry. He wraps me up in His arms. My cares vanish in His embrace.
I sure do love this Shepherd. Just today, He told me that He loves me. Just today, He wrapped me up in His arms. Sometimes we just sit together on the hillside. Life really slows down when I am with Him. I love to sit with Him. He always gives me exactly what I need. I used to think that I didn’t need Him. How crazy was that? Why would I want to be self-sufficient when there is someone like my Shepherd who says that He will take care of me? He reminded me just today that He’s not going anywhere. He is going to always be with me. I told Him that I didn’t know if I was capable of making the same commitment to Him. He said, “I am going to help you. I am very patient to teach you.” Once again, I breathed deep with relief.
I began to wonder, “What am I doing to benefit this relationship that I have with my Shepherd.” He heard me thinking. He said, “I simply enjoy watching you grow.” I said, “But, I mess up all the time and take so much from You. You constantly have to help me or rescue me or give me things. You get my butt out of a sling all the time.” He said, “I enjoy it. It is my pleasure.” The craziest thing I think I ever heard Him say was, “You actually bring honor, pride, and glory to me. That fills me up with joy for you.” I still don’t understand that one. But, He has never lied to me or misled me. So, I take Him at His word.
Just telling you what my Shepherd does for me makes me feel great. I love to brag on Him. I think He likes it too.
I love you, your servant, your friend,
Tim
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