Day One or Two
July 16, 2006
Somewhere in New Mexico
We have been traveling for about 16 hours so far. I drove the first shift. I drove from 8:00pm till 7:30am this morning. I drove all the way to Oklahoma City. It feels like one huge day. I don’t remember where one began and the other ended.
We started yesterday around 6:00pm trying to get of Huntsville. I had been trying to get hold of John Honea since the day before. When I couldn’t reach him by 3:00pm, I began to think that he wouldn’t be accompanying us. I was right. Jason got to the house about 5:30pm. I had already talked to Wes. He couldn’t come either. He had squirted eardrops in his eye instead saline solution. It burned his cornea. Jason Espey and I were the only two left. We ate at Oodles of Noodles. We finally got out of town around 8:00pm.
John’s reason for not going with us was that he didn’t get the job he was hoping for. Therefore, he had to stay behind and job hunt. He is supposed to have two interviews this coming week.
It is a little easier traveling with just two. The logistics aren’t as difficult to figure. Working things out for only two is simpler. You just need one tent. You could sleep in the car if you had to. Jason is very flexible. That makes life great.
We are now about five miles from New Mexico. Know what the terrain looks like? Yep, you’re right, dirt and small bushes. It will probably be like this for a while. We are basically going to drive through New Mexico much like we did Mississippi, Arkansas, Oklahoma and Texas. We are just using them to get to somewhere else. They don’t hold a lot for us. Sounds kind of cheap when you say it that way. O well, I guess they should offer more attractions. We might actually stop then. Okalahoma does have one thing to see, the site of the Oklahoma City bombing. We covered that. Jason took 127 pictures there. My observation of Jason taking pictures leaves me with the conclusion that we will be downloading pictures everyday to make room for his artistic flare the next day.
Jason asked me what I wanted from the trip. I really don’t know. I have never taken a trip quite like this one. I have driven out here once before with Brad Jones, Grant Gibson, Jeremy Peltz, Jared Ingle, and Gavin Black. But, we used hotels. Hotels are definitely my style. This time we are going to do the camping thing. If you know me, I can imagine what you might be thinking, “What is Tim going to do without his hair products and face lotions?” Bite me! I know this is going to be a challenge. I like the outdoors. I also like clean, private showers with air conditioning. Help me Lord! I do want to experience some different stuff.
I am taking this trip for three basic reasons. One, I have the time. I simply don’t have much going on right now. I have wanted to just get in the car and go. This is my chance. Second, I was ready to see some new stuff. A lot of what we see, I have already seen. There are five contiguous states (ones connected) that I haven’t been to yet. If we don’t run out of money, maybe we can get to them. Third, I wanted to see how God might speak to me. Maybe He might speak to me in some new and unusual way.
I am tired of people saying, “God is moving,” “God is working here,” or “God is in this.” I am not so sure that God would sign His name to most or any of the stuff for which we blame Him. It’s funny how God seems to mostly be moving in America in the places that are held in by four walls, church buildings. Jesus says, “For the Son of Man came to save that which was lost.” If God is really moving in His people, wouldn’t lost people being brought into the Kingdom? Then, we could probably say that God is moving. That is what I am looking for.
I want to be around the salt of the earth on this trip. I have a funny feeling that I might run into these people as I travel, not in church on Sunday morning. Some of these people are in churches on Sunday mornings, the salt of the earth people that is. You can spot them. They are the people gasping for breath trying to endure religion. They often looked dazed and confused while experiencing American Churchastics. This is a form of exercise. It’s somewhat like gymnastics with one exception. Gymnastics actually benefits your body and life. Churchastics simply kills you.
I am realizing that God does things exactly the way He chooses. “Whatever the Lord pleases, He does, in heaven and in earth, in the seas and in all the deeps,” (Psm. 135:6). I have always loved that verse. It used to confound me. I guess that is because I couldn’t reconcile all the bad things that I was seeing happening with this verse. Because if God does what He pleases, then it must please Him to break us at times.
Day 3
July 17, 2006
Grand Canyon Camp Grounds
It took us twenty-five hours to get here. We made it. I think that I slept about two hours the whole way. Jason only slept about five total. I drove most of the way. I actually drove about twenty hours I believe. It has been a fun and rewarding adventure thus far.
The Volvo is doing great so far. The ABS and Traction light come on sometimes. That’s it. I already knew about that. We are getting 26.6 mpg at this point. That is great. I pray that our gas bill is cheaper. We had planned on splitting it three ways at least. Now it is on Jason and I.
We got into Flagstaff last night around 7:30pm (MTN). We ate at the Pizza Hut. We were starved and didn’t feel like killing our own food. Plus it would be dark when we got to the campsite. We traveled the next 80 miles to the Canon Campsite. We unloaded the tent and put it up around 10:30pm. We have traveled just over 1,600 miles.
Last night we sat in our camping chairs and looked at the stars. I mean we really looked at them. They were so gorgeous and obvious, no lights in sight to mask their beauty. It has been a while since I have seen something like that. Honestly, I don’t remember seeing the stars so bright.
Here is the tough one to believe. I slept in a sleeping bad directly on the floor of the tent. Tim Brown actually slept on the ground. I am just as shocked as anyone. And, I even feel ok today. Wow! Now there’s a first. I also haven’t taken a shower in two days. I’ll have to remedy that one soon.
Day 5
July 18, 2006
Las Vegas, Nevada
We arrived here about two hours ago. Jason was pretty impressed. I think everyone should at least see Las Vegas. It is so cool. We drove in from the Grand Canyons. We came across the Hoover Dam. We spent some time there. Jason hadn’t seen it before. It’s big.
I have been out of pocket and actually out of civilization for the last three days. That is what I want to talk about. You won’t believe what I experienced.
We got up Sunday morning after camping on Saturday night. We camped in the Grand Canyon National Park. So when we drove a few miles, the Canyons came into view. Jason had never seen them. If you have ever been there, you know his reaction. It blew him away.
We bought some camping supplies in the local market in the Canyon Park. We ate some lunch at a deli in the market. Before this we went over to the Ranger Station to get a permit for hiking and camping on the floor of the Canyons. This is where my life changed, and the story gets good.
The Ranger, Sam, was pretty informative. He told us how dangerous it was to camp that far in the heat of the summer. He told us about taking a lot of water and some salty snacks, along with some energy bars. We picked all that up and more at the store. Jason and I both purchased a self-inflating mattress that would become a lifesaver. Ranger Sam was continuing to warn us. Out of the five million people who visited the Canyons only half a percent hike down, according to him. I was getting the feeling that I must not look like a hiker or a camper. He told us to eat and drink something every hour. It was seven miles down and almost ten on the trail that comes up. He said that drinking water and electrolyte mix was essential. He also noted the importance eating salty snacks was to making good decisions while you were hiking.
We got all the instruction that we felt we needed and took off for the trailhead. It was about ninety-five degrees at the top of the Canyon. We made some last adjustments and headed down the side of this gigantic ravine. We started our seven-mile decent down the side of it, one step at a time. Both of us were armed with walking sticks and backpacks filled with the essentials only. We had a pocket stove, some small pots, freeze dried food packs, salty snacks, energy bars, electrolyte packs and lots of water. I drank about two liters on the way down. We stopped every hour to snack and drink. It was about 115 degrees.
I thought we would never reach the bottom of the Canyon. Seven miles is a long way to walk down the side of an inverted mountain. Jason and I both were committed to this no matter what. Turning back was not an option. Jumping off the side of the cliff looked inviting at one point of the painful journey. The Ranger told us that this was the worst time to do this, hike not jump. I would agree. The heat was bad. Remember the statement he made about eating salt to help us make good decisions. At this point, I told Jason that I wish I had eaten some salt before we started this trek.
The views and landscapes were breathtaking. We would wind down around a switchback and the view would change. You would see something new almost every time you rounded a corner. It was great. It made the pain bearable.
We finally began to get closer to the Colorado River at the Bottom. It was so far away. The Bridge came into sight after a while. Even then, I thought we would never get there. Once we did, we were spent. I was wondering if we could make it out. The trip up is almost ten miles.
We made it to our campsite. It was by a river than fed into the mighty Colorado. When I say that we made our campsite, I simply mean that we put out self-inflatable mats to sleep on. That was it, no sleeping bags, no blankets, and no tent. We took off our shoes and shirts. My feet were hobbled and Jason’s had giant blisters on the backs of them. We both stepped gingerly toward this creek about twenty yards away. We sat in it and sighed. It felt great. The temperature at the bottom, at 6:00pm was around 105. We washed out our shirts and socks. I also washed my underwear. The water was so refreshing.
We looked around the campsite a little. We were too tired to do a lot of exploring. So, we stayed pretty close. We refilled our packs with water.
It was time for dinner. I told Jason that I would kill for a juicy steak and glass of red wine. He said that he would love a cold beer. We both just dreamed of how nice it would be while we cooked our freeze-dried beef teriyaki. It was either really good or we were famished. Jason used his pocket rocket stove and pots for cooking. We would find out later that five hundred yards from our campsite there was a place called the Phantom Ranch. That night they served steak and anything to drink including red wine and beer. We didn’t find this out until the next day when we had hiked four and one half miles out. I wanted to shoot someone when I found this out. We even walked up to the Phantom Ranch to listen to this guy talk about how the Canyons were formed. He gave this entertaining talk on it. We still didn’t know that there was food, steak, New York Strip, win and beer. God have mercy. That’s not all. We also found out the next day that there were cabins with air conditioning. Did you catch that? AIR CONDITIONING. We slept in 90 degree heat while some people slept in cabins with air. We knew none of this until the next day while we were hiking back up the trail. Larry was the one who told us.
We met Larry and his son Joe somewhere on the way back up the Canyon. They were from Michigan. You pass a lot of people on this trek, well not a lot. Anyway, you see some different people. We saw people from all over the world at the Canyons. There were a lot of Europeans hiking. But remember, we were in the minority of tough people who dared to be so bold. Don’t think that a normal human can do this. When we got to the halfway point, Larry and Joe joined us in our campsite for lunch. We ate freeze-dried beef stroganoff. Larry and Joe ate packaged tuna salad. Well, Joe ate a lot of candy too. He’s fifteen. This was when Larry revealed to us that there were steaks, wine, and air-conditioned cabins at the bottom. Jason and I just looked at each other and cried out in frustration. I couldn’t believe it. But, let me get back to the camping experience.
Jason and I had eaten our freeze-dried beef teriyaki. We were pretty full. It was dark now. There wasn’t much else to do. We had been for a short walk down by the Colorado River. We had listened to the guy talk about the Canyons formation. Now, it was time to sleep. We put out our mats. I laid down on mine while Jason wrote in his journal. I looked up at the sky while lying on my back. It was beautiful. The stars were the brightest that I have seen them. There are no lights around to mask their brilliance out in the Canyon. There are so many of them. I tried to sleep but it was hot and my head was pounding; my body was aching.
I did manage to get to sleep at some point only to be awakened by something on my knee. I woke up to find that there was a squirrel sitting on my knee. I was sleeping just in my shorts. There stood a squirrel on my knee. I am pretty sure it was a squirrel. I hope it was. I could barely see it. I sat up. It scurried off into the weeds and trees. I shouted, “Holy Shit,” waking Jason up. He shot up and asked what happened. I told him. He said, “What?” I repeated it. I sat there in shock. I then began to wonder what else had perched upon me in the night. That was frightening to consider. Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep.
We woke up the next morning about 6:00am. We slowly got ready. Our bodies had met their limits. My muscles were screaming, “Stop!” We decided to head out around 6:30am. We had a 9.2 mile hike to the top. We crossed the Colorado on the second bridge just down from the first we crossed the day before. I felt every movement. My body was rebelling. I couldn’t let myself think about the journey ahead.
We moved forward at a surprising pace. We wanted to get out as soon as we could. The sun began to crest over the rim of the Canyon. This made it more difficult as the temperature began to climb. We arrived at the Indian Gardens campsite. This is the halfway point. We needed the rest. This is where we really got to know Larry and Joe. We also had gotten to know the Palmers. They were from Indiana. For the rest of the trip, we would bump into these folks. It was great. We laughed a lot. Laughter helped the pain and agony.
Larry was hilarious. Larry smokes. I can’t believe how well he did on this hike. When I saw that he smoked, I thought it might get him. He managed. I looked at his feet and he was wearing these black shoes. They were like casual shoes. I asked if those were comfortable. He said, “No, they are my work shoes. They are f’in killing me.” I nearly wet myself laughing. I knew that my feel were hurting. I couldn’t imagine how his felt.
We still had four and one half miles to go. We rested at Indian Gardens for about an hour. We started back around 1:00pm. It was the heat of the day. I believe it was 115 degrees. The sun was bearing down on us. It was hard. I thought several times that I wouldn’t make it. We were ascending at a steep rate by now. The rim was still a long way off. I can’t describe the agony.
We got to the last rest station. I thought that we had climbed at least two miles from the Indian Gardens rest stop. This was when I got some of the most disturbing news I have ever gotten in my life. A ranger, Ranger Arnold, was there to greet us at the station. We asked him how far we had to go. We were thinking that we only had a little more. He said, “It’s three more miles to the top.” I honestly can say that I wanted to stick my walking pole through his neck. I hated this man. I know it wasn’t his fault. I didn’t care. I wanted someone to know my pain. I just stared at him. Everything else that he said made me mad. Jason fell silent. He was so tired and mad that he was angry too.
Eventually, Larry and Joe came dragging up, as did the Palmers. We had a reunion at the three-mile resting station. We eventually took off again. The last three miles were tough. Jason split off close to the top with one of the Palmers. I went with Larry and Joe. Jason got out ahead of us. He was waiting at the top when I got there.
I cannot believe that we did it. Jason said that we had experienced a rite of passage. I think he was right. I don’t expect everyone to understand. I just know that it was horrible and great at the same time. I pushed my body beyond its limits. It was the most physically challenging thing I have ever done. I didn’t even take a bath for three days. I only bathed off in a creek with no soap. I am so glad that we did it. Nothing can describe it.
Aside from the physical challenge, we were constantly surrounded by God’s beauty. I was constantly just looking out across the vast crevasse. It was more than my eyes could take in. The colors, the buttes, the terrain, texture. It was all too much.
Larry, Joe, Jason, and I got together afterwards for dinner. I ate big. I was starved. What a day. I’ll never forget it.
We ended the day with a Corona. It was a sweet way to end it. Just the guys sitting around with a beer. God connected Jason and me to Larry and Joe. Larry loves his son. Joe loves his dad. They enjoy each other. Larry is a great man. I know that God forged a friendship in that giant hole. He bonded us as men, men in the common struggle of living.
I just climbed out of the largest hole I have ever seen. I mean that in two ways, pun intended. I struggled in great agony to resurface from the Grand Canyon. I have also struggled to resurface from deep pain in my heart. This has been a tough time. The Grand Canyon hike was a physical representation of where I have been. I am not fully out of this canyon of my heart just yet. But, I can see the top. As a matter of fact, it’s closer than I thought.
Along the path of my heart’s journey there has been great potential for falling down. The path is steep and treacherous. God is enduring through me. There have been places of rest and refreshment. Just when I think that I am not going to make it, God provides water and food. He nourishes me. I rest. I wipe the sweat from my brow. I get up and I move on.
To say there are times that I wouldn’t just love to quit would be untrue. It crossed my mind on the hike. As well, it has been a thought in my heart’s journey. But, it is only a thought, never more than that. I love life even when life is tough. I want to live because there is so much of God that I don’t understand. I want to live because there is so much of His work and creation that I haven’t seen. I want to live because there are those who love me. I am learning to love my family even more. My niece has a special place in my heart. She loves her Wunkie Tim. Her Wunkie Tim loves her.
On the hike, God melded me with Jason, Larry, Joe, and the Palmers. We had our own sense of community as we trekked ten miles. It was an all day event. We would separate and then reconnect at stops along the way. I was sweating really badly. Sweat was getting into my eyes. I had no extra clothes or bandana to tie around my head. I took my boxers that I had washed the night before in the stream and wrapped them around my head. At this point, I didn’t care what people thought. I had to survive. I made a joke about it. I figured there was no way to hide it. So, you might as well make the first comment. I stood up to hike some more. I said, “Panty head is leaving the building.” Folks laughed. They were delirious from heat exhaustion. Mrs. Palmer looked at me and said, “Tim, you have made this trip for us.” I took that to heart. I wanted to cry. I realized that people love me. That is another reason that living is good. People need each other.
I thought recently that I didn’t need or even want people anymore. God want allow that in me. I am His. He urges me own to see people and have compassion on them. I can’t help it. I can’t even help loving people that don’t love me anymore. Can you believe it?
Someone told me recently that I should give up. God has given up on me, this person said. He has screwed up your life so much. Why would you care about Him? All the while I knew that God has loved me. He has loved me well. He has loved me enough to take me through crap at times.
I’ll never quit. I am on a journey with God. Sometimes we walk in the valley by the cool streams. Sometimes we go to amusement parks. But, there are times when we have to walk into giant holes, spend the night, sometimes several nights, sleep with squirrels, and climb back out. It sucks.
Quitting isn’t an option for me. I wont’ quit on God, life, or people. God has been too good. But, that isn’t why I won’t quit on him. I won’t quit on Him because He won’t let me. He doesn’t put a quitting spirit in His kids. I will mess up. I will do some good. I won’t quit. I know that saying that presents me with challenges. I just throw it all into His hands. Life is too great to quit. There is too much to learn. People are simply too wonderful to quit on.
I am in Vegas now. Jason and I were in the Casino last night. I saw people and my heart just broke for them. I remember Jesus saying that He looked at people and had compassion for them. This is what He does in my sometimes. People are worth the effort, even the jackasses. Truth is that you’re a pain on occasion. I love people.
Day 6
July 19, 2006
Las Vegas, Nevada
I played Texas Hold “Em last night. I didn’t take long, mainly because I didn’t know what I was doing. I won a hand. But, I quickly lost the others. I eventually went all in with two pairs. A lady had three of a kind. That is when I lost.
I came back to the room. Jason stayed and played. He ended up with $76. I think he got in around 4:40am.
I read Psalm 124 out of the Gideon Bible. “Had it not been the Lord who was on our side, Let Israel now say, Had it not been the Lord who was on our side when men rose up against us, Then they would have swallowed us alive, when their anger was kindled against us; then the waters would have engulfed us, the stream would have swept over our soul; Then the raging waters would have swept over our soul. Blessed be the Lord who has not given us to be torn by their teeth. Our soul has escaped as bird out of the snare of the trapper; The snare is broken and we have escaped. Our help is the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” I am not sure that this is totally applicable in this way but, had it not been for you, I would have quit. I give myself to You.
I don’t like gambling. I don’t like this rough way of living. I see such discouragement and pain in the faces of people here. I see nothing wrong with playing a game here and there. But there is such hopelessness in this lifestyle.
I met a guy named Chuck Bodak. He was a teacher, not a trainer, for boxers. He made that clear. He said, “Trainer work with animals. I work with humans, with the mind.” He gestured with his finger by tapping his temple when he said this. He was very friendly to me. Jason met him before I did. It was a little friendly encounter.
We were eating at the Flavors Buffet in the Harrah’s Casino where we are staying. When Jason returned from the buffet, Chuck was sitting in my seat. Jason informed him of that. Chuck got up and said to him, “You could have moved to another f’in seat.” I thought it was funny. This is before we knew who he was.
Tomorrow we head for Southern California. I’ll try to update you soon.
I love you, your servant, your friend,
Tim
July 16, 2006
Somewhere in New Mexico
We have been traveling for about 16 hours so far. I drove the first shift. I drove from 8:00pm till 7:30am this morning. I drove all the way to Oklahoma City. It feels like one huge day. I don’t remember where one began and the other ended.
We started yesterday around 6:00pm trying to get of Huntsville. I had been trying to get hold of John Honea since the day before. When I couldn’t reach him by 3:00pm, I began to think that he wouldn’t be accompanying us. I was right. Jason got to the house about 5:30pm. I had already talked to Wes. He couldn’t come either. He had squirted eardrops in his eye instead saline solution. It burned his cornea. Jason Espey and I were the only two left. We ate at Oodles of Noodles. We finally got out of town around 8:00pm.
John’s reason for not going with us was that he didn’t get the job he was hoping for. Therefore, he had to stay behind and job hunt. He is supposed to have two interviews this coming week.
It is a little easier traveling with just two. The logistics aren’t as difficult to figure. Working things out for only two is simpler. You just need one tent. You could sleep in the car if you had to. Jason is very flexible. That makes life great.
We are now about five miles from New Mexico. Know what the terrain looks like? Yep, you’re right, dirt and small bushes. It will probably be like this for a while. We are basically going to drive through New Mexico much like we did Mississippi, Arkansas, Oklahoma and Texas. We are just using them to get to somewhere else. They don’t hold a lot for us. Sounds kind of cheap when you say it that way. O well, I guess they should offer more attractions. We might actually stop then. Okalahoma does have one thing to see, the site of the Oklahoma City bombing. We covered that. Jason took 127 pictures there. My observation of Jason taking pictures leaves me with the conclusion that we will be downloading pictures everyday to make room for his artistic flare the next day.
Jason asked me what I wanted from the trip. I really don’t know. I have never taken a trip quite like this one. I have driven out here once before with Brad Jones, Grant Gibson, Jeremy Peltz, Jared Ingle, and Gavin Black. But, we used hotels. Hotels are definitely my style. This time we are going to do the camping thing. If you know me, I can imagine what you might be thinking, “What is Tim going to do without his hair products and face lotions?” Bite me! I know this is going to be a challenge. I like the outdoors. I also like clean, private showers with air conditioning. Help me Lord! I do want to experience some different stuff.
I am taking this trip for three basic reasons. One, I have the time. I simply don’t have much going on right now. I have wanted to just get in the car and go. This is my chance. Second, I was ready to see some new stuff. A lot of what we see, I have already seen. There are five contiguous states (ones connected) that I haven’t been to yet. If we don’t run out of money, maybe we can get to them. Third, I wanted to see how God might speak to me. Maybe He might speak to me in some new and unusual way.
I am tired of people saying, “God is moving,” “God is working here,” or “God is in this.” I am not so sure that God would sign His name to most or any of the stuff for which we blame Him. It’s funny how God seems to mostly be moving in America in the places that are held in by four walls, church buildings. Jesus says, “For the Son of Man came to save that which was lost.” If God is really moving in His people, wouldn’t lost people being brought into the Kingdom? Then, we could probably say that God is moving. That is what I am looking for.
I want to be around the salt of the earth on this trip. I have a funny feeling that I might run into these people as I travel, not in church on Sunday morning. Some of these people are in churches on Sunday mornings, the salt of the earth people that is. You can spot them. They are the people gasping for breath trying to endure religion. They often looked dazed and confused while experiencing American Churchastics. This is a form of exercise. It’s somewhat like gymnastics with one exception. Gymnastics actually benefits your body and life. Churchastics simply kills you.
I am realizing that God does things exactly the way He chooses. “Whatever the Lord pleases, He does, in heaven and in earth, in the seas and in all the deeps,” (Psm. 135:6). I have always loved that verse. It used to confound me. I guess that is because I couldn’t reconcile all the bad things that I was seeing happening with this verse. Because if God does what He pleases, then it must please Him to break us at times.
Day 3
July 17, 2006
Grand Canyon Camp Grounds
It took us twenty-five hours to get here. We made it. I think that I slept about two hours the whole way. Jason only slept about five total. I drove most of the way. I actually drove about twenty hours I believe. It has been a fun and rewarding adventure thus far.
The Volvo is doing great so far. The ABS and Traction light come on sometimes. That’s it. I already knew about that. We are getting 26.6 mpg at this point. That is great. I pray that our gas bill is cheaper. We had planned on splitting it three ways at least. Now it is on Jason and I.
We got into Flagstaff last night around 7:30pm (MTN). We ate at the Pizza Hut. We were starved and didn’t feel like killing our own food. Plus it would be dark when we got to the campsite. We traveled the next 80 miles to the Canon Campsite. We unloaded the tent and put it up around 10:30pm. We have traveled just over 1,600 miles.
Last night we sat in our camping chairs and looked at the stars. I mean we really looked at them. They were so gorgeous and obvious, no lights in sight to mask their beauty. It has been a while since I have seen something like that. Honestly, I don’t remember seeing the stars so bright.
Here is the tough one to believe. I slept in a sleeping bad directly on the floor of the tent. Tim Brown actually slept on the ground. I am just as shocked as anyone. And, I even feel ok today. Wow! Now there’s a first. I also haven’t taken a shower in two days. I’ll have to remedy that one soon.
Day 5
July 18, 2006
Las Vegas, Nevada
We arrived here about two hours ago. Jason was pretty impressed. I think everyone should at least see Las Vegas. It is so cool. We drove in from the Grand Canyons. We came across the Hoover Dam. We spent some time there. Jason hadn’t seen it before. It’s big.
I have been out of pocket and actually out of civilization for the last three days. That is what I want to talk about. You won’t believe what I experienced.
We got up Sunday morning after camping on Saturday night. We camped in the Grand Canyon National Park. So when we drove a few miles, the Canyons came into view. Jason had never seen them. If you have ever been there, you know his reaction. It blew him away.
We bought some camping supplies in the local market in the Canyon Park. We ate some lunch at a deli in the market. Before this we went over to the Ranger Station to get a permit for hiking and camping on the floor of the Canyons. This is where my life changed, and the story gets good.
The Ranger, Sam, was pretty informative. He told us how dangerous it was to camp that far in the heat of the summer. He told us about taking a lot of water and some salty snacks, along with some energy bars. We picked all that up and more at the store. Jason and I both purchased a self-inflating mattress that would become a lifesaver. Ranger Sam was continuing to warn us. Out of the five million people who visited the Canyons only half a percent hike down, according to him. I was getting the feeling that I must not look like a hiker or a camper. He told us to eat and drink something every hour. It was seven miles down and almost ten on the trail that comes up. He said that drinking water and electrolyte mix was essential. He also noted the importance eating salty snacks was to making good decisions while you were hiking.
We got all the instruction that we felt we needed and took off for the trailhead. It was about ninety-five degrees at the top of the Canyon. We made some last adjustments and headed down the side of this gigantic ravine. We started our seven-mile decent down the side of it, one step at a time. Both of us were armed with walking sticks and backpacks filled with the essentials only. We had a pocket stove, some small pots, freeze dried food packs, salty snacks, energy bars, electrolyte packs and lots of water. I drank about two liters on the way down. We stopped every hour to snack and drink. It was about 115 degrees.
I thought we would never reach the bottom of the Canyon. Seven miles is a long way to walk down the side of an inverted mountain. Jason and I both were committed to this no matter what. Turning back was not an option. Jumping off the side of the cliff looked inviting at one point of the painful journey. The Ranger told us that this was the worst time to do this, hike not jump. I would agree. The heat was bad. Remember the statement he made about eating salt to help us make good decisions. At this point, I told Jason that I wish I had eaten some salt before we started this trek.
The views and landscapes were breathtaking. We would wind down around a switchback and the view would change. You would see something new almost every time you rounded a corner. It was great. It made the pain bearable.
We finally began to get closer to the Colorado River at the Bottom. It was so far away. The Bridge came into sight after a while. Even then, I thought we would never get there. Once we did, we were spent. I was wondering if we could make it out. The trip up is almost ten miles.
We made it to our campsite. It was by a river than fed into the mighty Colorado. When I say that we made our campsite, I simply mean that we put out self-inflatable mats to sleep on. That was it, no sleeping bags, no blankets, and no tent. We took off our shoes and shirts. My feet were hobbled and Jason’s had giant blisters on the backs of them. We both stepped gingerly toward this creek about twenty yards away. We sat in it and sighed. It felt great. The temperature at the bottom, at 6:00pm was around 105. We washed out our shirts and socks. I also washed my underwear. The water was so refreshing.
We looked around the campsite a little. We were too tired to do a lot of exploring. So, we stayed pretty close. We refilled our packs with water.
It was time for dinner. I told Jason that I would kill for a juicy steak and glass of red wine. He said that he would love a cold beer. We both just dreamed of how nice it would be while we cooked our freeze-dried beef teriyaki. It was either really good or we were famished. Jason used his pocket rocket stove and pots for cooking. We would find out later that five hundred yards from our campsite there was a place called the Phantom Ranch. That night they served steak and anything to drink including red wine and beer. We didn’t find this out until the next day when we had hiked four and one half miles out. I wanted to shoot someone when I found this out. We even walked up to the Phantom Ranch to listen to this guy talk about how the Canyons were formed. He gave this entertaining talk on it. We still didn’t know that there was food, steak, New York Strip, win and beer. God have mercy. That’s not all. We also found out the next day that there were cabins with air conditioning. Did you catch that? AIR CONDITIONING. We slept in 90 degree heat while some people slept in cabins with air. We knew none of this until the next day while we were hiking back up the trail. Larry was the one who told us.
We met Larry and his son Joe somewhere on the way back up the Canyon. They were from Michigan. You pass a lot of people on this trek, well not a lot. Anyway, you see some different people. We saw people from all over the world at the Canyons. There were a lot of Europeans hiking. But remember, we were in the minority of tough people who dared to be so bold. Don’t think that a normal human can do this. When we got to the halfway point, Larry and Joe joined us in our campsite for lunch. We ate freeze-dried beef stroganoff. Larry and Joe ate packaged tuna salad. Well, Joe ate a lot of candy too. He’s fifteen. This was when Larry revealed to us that there were steaks, wine, and air-conditioned cabins at the bottom. Jason and I just looked at each other and cried out in frustration. I couldn’t believe it. But, let me get back to the camping experience.
Jason and I had eaten our freeze-dried beef teriyaki. We were pretty full. It was dark now. There wasn’t much else to do. We had been for a short walk down by the Colorado River. We had listened to the guy talk about the Canyons formation. Now, it was time to sleep. We put out our mats. I laid down on mine while Jason wrote in his journal. I looked up at the sky while lying on my back. It was beautiful. The stars were the brightest that I have seen them. There are no lights around to mask their brilliance out in the Canyon. There are so many of them. I tried to sleep but it was hot and my head was pounding; my body was aching.
I did manage to get to sleep at some point only to be awakened by something on my knee. I woke up to find that there was a squirrel sitting on my knee. I was sleeping just in my shorts. There stood a squirrel on my knee. I am pretty sure it was a squirrel. I hope it was. I could barely see it. I sat up. It scurried off into the weeds and trees. I shouted, “Holy Shit,” waking Jason up. He shot up and asked what happened. I told him. He said, “What?” I repeated it. I sat there in shock. I then began to wonder what else had perched upon me in the night. That was frightening to consider. Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep.
We woke up the next morning about 6:00am. We slowly got ready. Our bodies had met their limits. My muscles were screaming, “Stop!” We decided to head out around 6:30am. We had a 9.2 mile hike to the top. We crossed the Colorado on the second bridge just down from the first we crossed the day before. I felt every movement. My body was rebelling. I couldn’t let myself think about the journey ahead.
We moved forward at a surprising pace. We wanted to get out as soon as we could. The sun began to crest over the rim of the Canyon. This made it more difficult as the temperature began to climb. We arrived at the Indian Gardens campsite. This is the halfway point. We needed the rest. This is where we really got to know Larry and Joe. We also had gotten to know the Palmers. They were from Indiana. For the rest of the trip, we would bump into these folks. It was great. We laughed a lot. Laughter helped the pain and agony.
Larry was hilarious. Larry smokes. I can’t believe how well he did on this hike. When I saw that he smoked, I thought it might get him. He managed. I looked at his feet and he was wearing these black shoes. They were like casual shoes. I asked if those were comfortable. He said, “No, they are my work shoes. They are f’in killing me.” I nearly wet myself laughing. I knew that my feel were hurting. I couldn’t imagine how his felt.
We still had four and one half miles to go. We rested at Indian Gardens for about an hour. We started back around 1:00pm. It was the heat of the day. I believe it was 115 degrees. The sun was bearing down on us. It was hard. I thought several times that I wouldn’t make it. We were ascending at a steep rate by now. The rim was still a long way off. I can’t describe the agony.
We got to the last rest station. I thought that we had climbed at least two miles from the Indian Gardens rest stop. This was when I got some of the most disturbing news I have ever gotten in my life. A ranger, Ranger Arnold, was there to greet us at the station. We asked him how far we had to go. We were thinking that we only had a little more. He said, “It’s three more miles to the top.” I honestly can say that I wanted to stick my walking pole through his neck. I hated this man. I know it wasn’t his fault. I didn’t care. I wanted someone to know my pain. I just stared at him. Everything else that he said made me mad. Jason fell silent. He was so tired and mad that he was angry too.
Eventually, Larry and Joe came dragging up, as did the Palmers. We had a reunion at the three-mile resting station. We eventually took off again. The last three miles were tough. Jason split off close to the top with one of the Palmers. I went with Larry and Joe. Jason got out ahead of us. He was waiting at the top when I got there.
I cannot believe that we did it. Jason said that we had experienced a rite of passage. I think he was right. I don’t expect everyone to understand. I just know that it was horrible and great at the same time. I pushed my body beyond its limits. It was the most physically challenging thing I have ever done. I didn’t even take a bath for three days. I only bathed off in a creek with no soap. I am so glad that we did it. Nothing can describe it.
Aside from the physical challenge, we were constantly surrounded by God’s beauty. I was constantly just looking out across the vast crevasse. It was more than my eyes could take in. The colors, the buttes, the terrain, texture. It was all too much.
Larry, Joe, Jason, and I got together afterwards for dinner. I ate big. I was starved. What a day. I’ll never forget it.
We ended the day with a Corona. It was a sweet way to end it. Just the guys sitting around with a beer. God connected Jason and me to Larry and Joe. Larry loves his son. Joe loves his dad. They enjoy each other. Larry is a great man. I know that God forged a friendship in that giant hole. He bonded us as men, men in the common struggle of living.
I just climbed out of the largest hole I have ever seen. I mean that in two ways, pun intended. I struggled in great agony to resurface from the Grand Canyon. I have also struggled to resurface from deep pain in my heart. This has been a tough time. The Grand Canyon hike was a physical representation of where I have been. I am not fully out of this canyon of my heart just yet. But, I can see the top. As a matter of fact, it’s closer than I thought.
Along the path of my heart’s journey there has been great potential for falling down. The path is steep and treacherous. God is enduring through me. There have been places of rest and refreshment. Just when I think that I am not going to make it, God provides water and food. He nourishes me. I rest. I wipe the sweat from my brow. I get up and I move on.
To say there are times that I wouldn’t just love to quit would be untrue. It crossed my mind on the hike. As well, it has been a thought in my heart’s journey. But, it is only a thought, never more than that. I love life even when life is tough. I want to live because there is so much of God that I don’t understand. I want to live because there is so much of His work and creation that I haven’t seen. I want to live because there are those who love me. I am learning to love my family even more. My niece has a special place in my heart. She loves her Wunkie Tim. Her Wunkie Tim loves her.
On the hike, God melded me with Jason, Larry, Joe, and the Palmers. We had our own sense of community as we trekked ten miles. It was an all day event. We would separate and then reconnect at stops along the way. I was sweating really badly. Sweat was getting into my eyes. I had no extra clothes or bandana to tie around my head. I took my boxers that I had washed the night before in the stream and wrapped them around my head. At this point, I didn’t care what people thought. I had to survive. I made a joke about it. I figured there was no way to hide it. So, you might as well make the first comment. I stood up to hike some more. I said, “Panty head is leaving the building.” Folks laughed. They were delirious from heat exhaustion. Mrs. Palmer looked at me and said, “Tim, you have made this trip for us.” I took that to heart. I wanted to cry. I realized that people love me. That is another reason that living is good. People need each other.
I thought recently that I didn’t need or even want people anymore. God want allow that in me. I am His. He urges me own to see people and have compassion on them. I can’t help it. I can’t even help loving people that don’t love me anymore. Can you believe it?
Someone told me recently that I should give up. God has given up on me, this person said. He has screwed up your life so much. Why would you care about Him? All the while I knew that God has loved me. He has loved me well. He has loved me enough to take me through crap at times.
I’ll never quit. I am on a journey with God. Sometimes we walk in the valley by the cool streams. Sometimes we go to amusement parks. But, there are times when we have to walk into giant holes, spend the night, sometimes several nights, sleep with squirrels, and climb back out. It sucks.
Quitting isn’t an option for me. I wont’ quit on God, life, or people. God has been too good. But, that isn’t why I won’t quit on him. I won’t quit on Him because He won’t let me. He doesn’t put a quitting spirit in His kids. I will mess up. I will do some good. I won’t quit. I know that saying that presents me with challenges. I just throw it all into His hands. Life is too great to quit. There is too much to learn. People are simply too wonderful to quit on.
I am in Vegas now. Jason and I were in the Casino last night. I saw people and my heart just broke for them. I remember Jesus saying that He looked at people and had compassion for them. This is what He does in my sometimes. People are worth the effort, even the jackasses. Truth is that you’re a pain on occasion. I love people.
Day 6
July 19, 2006
Las Vegas, Nevada
I played Texas Hold “Em last night. I didn’t take long, mainly because I didn’t know what I was doing. I won a hand. But, I quickly lost the others. I eventually went all in with two pairs. A lady had three of a kind. That is when I lost.
I came back to the room. Jason stayed and played. He ended up with $76. I think he got in around 4:40am.
I read Psalm 124 out of the Gideon Bible. “Had it not been the Lord who was on our side, Let Israel now say, Had it not been the Lord who was on our side when men rose up against us, Then they would have swallowed us alive, when their anger was kindled against us; then the waters would have engulfed us, the stream would have swept over our soul; Then the raging waters would have swept over our soul. Blessed be the Lord who has not given us to be torn by their teeth. Our soul has escaped as bird out of the snare of the trapper; The snare is broken and we have escaped. Our help is the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” I am not sure that this is totally applicable in this way but, had it not been for you, I would have quit. I give myself to You.
I don’t like gambling. I don’t like this rough way of living. I see such discouragement and pain in the faces of people here. I see nothing wrong with playing a game here and there. But there is such hopelessness in this lifestyle.
I met a guy named Chuck Bodak. He was a teacher, not a trainer, for boxers. He made that clear. He said, “Trainer work with animals. I work with humans, with the mind.” He gestured with his finger by tapping his temple when he said this. He was very friendly to me. Jason met him before I did. It was a little friendly encounter.
We were eating at the Flavors Buffet in the Harrah’s Casino where we are staying. When Jason returned from the buffet, Chuck was sitting in my seat. Jason informed him of that. Chuck got up and said to him, “You could have moved to another f’in seat.” I thought it was funny. This is before we knew who he was.
Tomorrow we head for Southern California. I’ll try to update you soon.
I love you, your servant, your friend,
Tim
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